I have just been to see Immortals. That is two hours of my life that I’m not getting back. And I watched The Neverending Story 2 the other day — I have a high threshold for bad movies.
To give you the highlights so that you don’t have to see it, imagine historical confusion (apparently the Greeks liked modernist and brutalist architecture. Oh, and sequins. It looks like bloody Versace designed the entire thing, with input by Lady Gaga), blokes bashing each other up, a bizarre and embarrassing sex scene, a horrifying close-up of Mickey Rourke’s thighs (SHUDDER. But also, why do they still put Mickey Rourke in movies? He never could act, but now that his face is more plastic than face, and he no longer looks human, surely it’s time to stop?) and, at the very last second, a Gracie Jiu Jitsu wrestling move that comes ludicrously out of nowhere and saves the day.
Oh, and the bad guy from The Vampire Diaries gets his nuts busted with a hammer and one of the blokes from the Twilight movies wears a stupid hat.
And now an entire generation of teenagers will think that’s what Poseidon was into. The only response to that is:
The most bizarre part? You can buy the stupid Poseidon shell hat for your very own.
Because, of course, you’d want to.
UPDATE: Apparently this is one of my most-frequented blog posts. Please comment and tell me what you were looking for, and if you liked it!